


The Secret

by TheLionsDen



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Coming Out, F/F, First Kiss, Lesbian, NSFW, Space Gays, f/f - Freeform, gay panic ensues, tardis ships thasmin, thasmin, the doctor can do that telepathy thing, yaz and the doctor are useless gays
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-11
Updated: 2019-12-13
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:49:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21757831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLionsDen/pseuds/TheLionsDen
Summary: The Doctor leaves her friends back on earth for some down time. Yaz finally opens up about her true feelings.(Set after Resolution)
Relationships: The Doctor/ Yasmin Khan, Thirteenth Doctor/ Yasmin Khan
Comments: 9
Kudos: 60





	1. Back Down to Earth

The police officer stepped through the door to her flat. Throwing her keys into the bowl on the side with a heavy sigh.

She’d forgotten just how tedious her job could be. She’d been saddled with paper work this week, stuck behind a desk for hours on end. She almost missed dealing with parking disputes. 

She inhaled deeply, taking in the familiar smell of washing powder and her dad’s cooking. It smelt like home but it didn’t feel like home, not any more.

She’d been so caught up on the TARDIS, exploring the universe, seeing things she could never have imagined in her wildest dreams. She wasn’t even sure how much time had passed since joining the Doctor. A few months, a year? All the young woman knew was since coming back to Earth, time had ground to a halt.

The Doctor had insisted that Yaz, Ryan and Graham head home for a while.

“I can’t have you travelling with me all the time, you’ll get bored!” the eccentric blonde exclaimed. She said all her companions needed some downtime to collect themselves before heading out for another slew of adventures.She insisted all of her previous companions had done so and that having a home life was still very important. 

It had been a few days since they stepped off of the Tardis and into the cold January air. The Daleks had been stopped from taking over the planet and the Doctor seemed quiet. Too quiet.

Yaz didn’t like it when she was quiet. She was always so bubbling and full of life, never taking a moment to stop.

“I’ll be fine.” she insisted before they left. “Just thought you guys could do with some time out. I’ll come back soon to get you.”

In reality, none of them wanted that. Well, aside from Graham who was frequently complaining about his aching knees. He would appreciate the short break and maybe get to sit down for more than five minutes. But the other two companions longed for another escapade. Anything to stop them from going back to mundane life.

Ryan went back to his warehouse job, Yaz back to the police station.

She’d wanted this job since she could remember and trained so hard to get onto the force. But now, she wanted nothing more to step around the thrumming crystal console and watch the Doctor pull the lever, throwing them into another world.

The uncertainty of it all excited her.

Because when I pull that lever, I’m never quite sure what’s gonna happen.

She remembers the time lord saying, before embarking on an unforgettable journey. A journey that changed her life, in more ways than one.

Yaz heard the faint voices of her family coming from the living room. She darted to her room, closing the door behind her hastily.

“Yaz?” her mother's voice called out, approaching her bedroom. “You alright, love?”

“Fine,” Yaz grimaced, pressing her back against the wood so no one could enter. She knew the minute her mum got the chance she would question her. She wanted to know what Yaz had been up to, all the times she’d been out with the Doctor and her friends.

A conversation Yaz was sure she didn’t want to have. She’d been able to avoid it up until this point, surely she could last a little longer.

“Are you sure? We’ve hardly seen you these days.”

“I know,” she groaned, throwing off her jacket haphazardly, not caring where it landed. “Just tired. I’m gonna go to bed.”

She heard a resigned sigh before her mother's footsteps retreated from outside her room.

She reached deep into her pockets, pulling out her phone. A text alert popped up on the screen.

How was your day, heard anything from the Doctor?

By that, Yaz figured Ryan hadn’t spoken to her either.

No, I’m getting worried. Did she even say how long she’d be?

She closed her messages, her phone wallpaper flashing up on the screen. A picture of her and the Doctor, sat together on a sandy mountain of Lahore. A yellow flower tucked away in the time lords golden hair. Her ear cuff glistening in the bright sun. 

“I got you something!” the blonde exclaimed, hiding her hand behind her back, her face beaming with excitement.

“What is it?” Yaz asked, a smile stretching on her face. She brought her hand from around her back, showing Yaz the beautiful little ochre flower she had picked.

“Aw, Doctor!” Yaz’s cheeks flushed red and not from the sun beating down on them. “Really, for me?”

“Thought you could wear it, ya know, for the wedding?”

Yaz looked to the woman standing in front of her, taking in her puppy dog eyes and a shy smile. Her heart and stomach flipping in unison.

“Thank you,” she smiled wide, taking it from her. Their fingers brushed slightly, the younger woman feeling electricity zing through her. 

“I’ve got one too!” she pulled another one from her pocket, although this one was slightly crumpled and a little sad looking. “Oh.” her face scrunched into a disappointed frown.

With a small laugh, Yaz took the slightly dishevelled flower from her friend.

“Here, she reached up, sliding the stem into golden wisps of hair. Her fingertips brushing the shell of her ear, she swears she almost hears the Doctors breath hitch. “Still beautiful.”

Locking her phone, Yaz threw it onto the bed. She didn’t want to dwell on it too much. Her head was already rammed packed full of thoughts and feelings. Things she hadn’t had time to organize or even fully understand.

The Doctor had left them back on Earth five days ago and those five days were the longest of the young police officers life. It was now the weekend and she had time off of work. She groaned at the prospect of being at home for more than an hour, her mum would definitely be able to get her on her own and interrogate her. She’d managed to avoid it by coming home late in the evening and going out first thing in the morning. 

She looked to her bedside clock, the digital numbers flickering as her eyes grew more tired.

2:20 AM.

Yaz hadn’t slept much, despite feeling the tiredness settling deep in her bones. Usually she was lulled to sleep by the steady hum of the Tardis. Knowing the Doctor was close by, probably tinkering or messing with the ships console. But here, all she heard was the faint grumble of her dad's snoring or the railroads screeching every now and then when a train passed by.

She tossed and turned, not being able to get comfy. How long would she be here for? The Doctor hadn’t given them any indication when she’d be back to get them. It could be months for them, whilst only a few seconds pass by for the time lord. 

She figured a hot drink would help her to sleep. She padded silently down the hallway to the kitchen, trying not to wake anyone.

Setting her mug down at the table, she took out her phone again. No messages.

Even Ryan had given up messaging her, he was probably just as fed up as she was. He was back to working his warehouse job, no doubt climbing on the conveyor belt for a quick thrill to get him through the long work day.

Yaz even contemplated ringing the Doctor for a second. Just to see if she would answer.

She hadn’t even thought about what she would say to her if she did pick up. Before she realised what she was doing, she tapped the Doctors number and held the phone to her ear. The dial rang a few times before she quickly decided to end the call. She didn’t want to bother her or seem desperate.

The early morning sun was beginning to seep through the blinds, spilling a golden light onto the table where Yaz was still sitting. She threw back the last of her coffee, accepting she wouldn’t sleep at all today. Her mind rushed a mile a minute, not being able to quell any of her thoughts. Usually she was so good at keeping her cool but since being around the blonde alien that had very much changed. She felt restless, her whole body itching to do something. 

The mere thought of the time lord sent her brain into a frenzy. She was all she could think about and now she had a big Doctor sized hole in her life. She toyed at a loose thread on her sleeve, pulling it around her finger, unable to keep still. Her whole body jittered. 

Her train of thought derailed when she felt a presence join her in the room.

“Are you sure you’re alright?”

Yaz scorned herself for not getting up and excusing herself from the table when her mum appeared. She was wrapped in her dressing gown, concern lacing her features.

“I’m fine,” she looked to the floor, avoiding her mother's gaze.

“Okay,” she nods. “Just worried about ya, that’s all.”

Quiet fell between them, the only noise being the faint birdsong and the street below bustling into life. 

The young woman rubbed at her stinging eyes, trying to usher the tears she could feel back into her body. A warm hand closed around hers drawing her head up to look from her lap.

“You can tell me you know, what’s bothering you. Cos I know there is something.”

Yaz let out a faint laugh, a smile pulling at her lips.

“Yeah, you’re right. Maybe there is.”

“It’s the Doctor isn’t it?” she questioned, still not too sure on the mysterious woman's title.

Yaz’s heart skipped a beat, she feared for what was to come. The conversation she had been trying to avoid for all this time.

“Who is she?” Najia finally asked, noticing her daughter tense at the question.

“The thing is,” she begun, her voice wavering. Tears pricked at her eyes, begging to be released.“I don’t actually know.” she breathed out a timid laugh. All this time spent with this incredible woman and she hardly knew her. 

One of the first things she was taught as a young child was stranger danger. A concept she had completely thrown to the wind when the eccentric blonde came crashing through the roof of the train.

She had upped and left without hesitation, never once stopping to question what she was doing. She felt like she’d been trying to run away from something and the Tardis had been the ticket ouf of there. It’s pilot completely stealing her away from everything she knew, never once doubting her. She trusted her, trusted her with her life. But she still didn’t know why.

Everything up until now had been a secret. Her entire life, she always felt like she was keeping something from the world. A part of her never seen by anyone else, not even by her own family. Now that secret had grown and grown into something bigger than Yaz had ever imagined. She had no idea how she was going to explain all of this away even though she wanted nothing more than to keep it locked up forever.

But she knew her mum would do her best to drag it out of her. She was relentless and stubborn, two traits Yaz saw a lot in herself. She didn’t want to let people in, in the fear they would take too much from her and leave. It was best to just keep it to herself, she couldn’t get hurt that way.

The police officer wished the ground would open up and swallow her whole. Or she’d hear that familiar wheezing of the Tardis and she could run away and leave to think about it another time. She had all the time in the universe in that blue police box. But now, back on Earth, the minutes ticked away slowly. Her mother still waiting for an answer. Who was The Doctor?

“Look,” she leaned in closer, catching the gaze of her daughter. “I know from what happened with the spiders that the Doctor isn’t what she seems to be.” Yaz internally cursed her mother for being so smart, too smart sometimes. “But I know that she must mean a lot to you and it upsets me to see you like this.”

Yaz let out a deep and long sigh. Her heart felt heavy in her chest, being weighed down with all of the secrets.

How was she going to begin to explain to her mum about the Doctor and her Tardis. Travelling through time and space, risking her life on a daily basis. Battling aliens, being at her nani’s wedding. Any word about that and her mum would put bolts on her door to stop her from ever going out again. Najia knew her daughter was a more than capable woman but the fear of the unknown would surely get the better of her. Yaz wasn’t ready to give up on her life with the Doctor and the others. There was still so much she wanted to see. 

Yaz almost blamed the Doctor for this, if she had just let her stay on the Tardis, she would have avoided this. Her mums questions were going to get the better of her. The last thing she wanted was to shatter her trust. She had to tell her, even though it meant exposing her true self. Letting go of all the secrets she’d worn round her neck like a heavy chain, dragging her down. 

“You know when I was bullied in school,” she began, trying to shake off the oncoming onslaught of tears. Her mum nod, remaining quiet, letting her daughter say what she needed to say.

“Well,” she swallowed, her throat dry and burning. “I never told you why I got bullied.”

“You didn’t even tell me you were being bullied, Yaz. I only got it out of ya when you came home with a black eye.”

Yaz swore she could still feel the dull ache around her eyes. The same dull ache she felt the day the girls cornered her outside of school, knocking her to the ground. A swollen eye and a busted lip didn’t go amiss by her mum, no matter how much makeup she used to try and cover it. She remembered being cradled into her mother's arms, sobs wracking her body. 

Yaz pushed the image to the back of her mind as she continued her story.

“Well, Izzy Flint found out from one of her mates;” she stopped. Her eyes screwed shut, trying to pull every ounce of courage from within her. “She found out I told one of my mates I had a crush on her. She went behind my back and told everyone.”

She could still hear the jeering taunts from her classmates as she walked the school halls. Things being thrown at her as well as insults. Najia gave her hand an encouraging squeeze.

“After that, it got worse and worse and Izzy said that I had made a move on her friend and that I would pay for it.”

A hot tear tracked down the dark skin of her cheek.

“I felt so ashamed.” her voice wavered, more tears falling. “I felt disgusted with myself, at my own feelings. So I never mentioned it again, even after school ended. I didn’t want anyone to know.” She looks to her mum through tearful eyes.

“Yaz, I’m so sorry.” she whispered. “I’m so sorry you felt that way.”

She hastily wiped the tears from her face, not wanting them to linger for too long.

“Is this what you’ve been wanting to tell me, all these years?”

Yaz nod solemnly.

“I didn’t know how you’d react. If you’d be ashamed of me, if you didn’t want anything to do with me.”

Najia quickly got to her feet and wrapped her arms around her eldest daughter.

“You know I would never be ashamed of you, Yaz.” She pressed a kiss to her forehead.

“You are an amazing, clever, confident young woman and I’m so proud of you. Who you love, doesn’t change that.”

Yaz turns to look at her, her brows furrowed.

“It doesn’t?”

Her mum offers an earnest smile, shaking her head.

“Not at all.” she presses another kiss, this time to her tear stained cheek. Yaz gives her a small smile, wiping away the remainder of her tears.

“You can probably tell where I’m going with this?” she questions, fearing the answer.

Najia nods her head, understanding.

“I could tell by the way you looked at her. Like you’d follow her into Hell itself.”

Yaz laughed, The Doctor had probably been to worse places.

“Does she know how you feel about her?” Najia placed a fresh mug of tea down on the table. Thankful no one else had woken up yet to interrupt them. Najia wasn’t too sure how her husband would react to this news.

“God no,” Yaz shook her head. “We don’t really get a lot of time to talk about feelings. It’s very get-go with the Doctor.”

“Hmm,” she murmured. “Are you ever gonna tell me, what you and the Doctor get up to?” She cocked an eyebrow at her daughter. 

Yaz’s eyes widened, her heart picking up the speed.

“Uhh,” she grumbled. “Can I get back to you on that?” 

Her mum nodded her head, a smirk playing on her lips. 

“You’re not gonna tell Dad or Sonya, are ya?” she grimaced at the mere thought of her younger sister finding out. She teased her enough as it was, she would have a field day with this new information. “Although,” Yaz’s face broke into a smile. “I’m sure Sonya will be pleased to know she can have Ryan for herself.”

Her mum stifled a laugh, she'd noticed her youngest daughter had her eye on the young lad. 

“No,” she shook her head. “I won’t tell them, that’s up to you, in your own time.”


	2. Are you two seeing each other?

_ “Are you two seeing each other?”  _

The question was simple but Yaz felt like her heart had plummeted into the deepest pit of her stomach. She still remembers hearing her mother's words that day back home when gigantic spiders were running rampant. But the younger woman didn’t fear the huge arachnids like she feared her mum asking that question. 

“I don’t think so, are we?” the alien’s brow furrowed, looking to Yaz. Perhaps she knew? 

Yaz didn’t know if the Doctor was joking or just unsure. Had Yaz somehow subconsciously willed their non existent relationship into existence? All of these questions bounced around in her mind, all she could muster up was an incredulous scoff.

“We’re friends.” she stated earning a raised eyebrow from the time lord and her mother. “She’s saved my life, quite a few times over.” 

“What’s that even supposed to mean.” 

“Please can we not have this conversation now and not in front of him.” She looks to the smug man standing beside them, his lips curled into a satisfied smirk. He delighted in seeing the exchange taking place in front of him. 

The police officer tried to push it to the back of her mind, focusing on the task at hand. Still angry with how her mother had been spoken to by her now ex boss and her stomach still churning from the Doctors response.She’d almost forgotten they were trying to save the world from humongous, people eating spiders. 

Were they seeing each other? 

She asked herself over and over again. If even the Doctor was unsure, what did that mean for them? Yaz liked to think she kept her composure well around the older woman, not letting on about her increasing feelings that were now beginning to get louder and louder every day. Maybe she was overthinking this too much. She knew the Doctor could say and do a lot of things. She didn’t seem the best at filtering things from her brain before it exited her mouth.

Yaz felt her heart sink further when she remembered why they were back home in the first place. Her time on the Tardis and with the Doctor had come to an end. She would never see her again and that pained her more than anything before. She really was the best person she’d ever met. The universe had so much more to offer her and she wanted nothing more than to be whisked away by that incredible blonde haired alien. 

Her mind flitted back to earlier that day and the look on the Doctor’s face. She looked so sad, lost even. All of the things to see and do and she was going to go it alone. Yaz pictured going back to life after meeting the best person in the world. It was boring, dull and something she definitely didn’t want. 

Her phone buzzed beside her, pulling her from her thoughts. 

You coming? Gonna go see the Doctor, I think Graham is too. 

When Yaz passed through those blue doors once more, she knew. She didn’t want this to be over and when she caught sight of the beautiful, mysterious woman leaning over the console, that was the last push she needed. 

“I want more, more of the universe. More time with you.” 

She didn’t miss the Doctor’s throat tense as she swallowed down, her gaze holding the younger woman before her. 

“You’re like the best person I’ve ever met.” 

Closing her fingers around the pale hand underneath hers, she felt her body hum with excitement and endless possibility. 

“I love this bit.” 

The TARDIS thrummed quicker than usual, almost sounding impatient as the Doctor fiddled with the different buttons and levers. The blonde looked up the crystal, embedded into the console.

“I know, don’t get huffy with me.” she frowned. 

A small spark flew from the console, causing the time lord to leap back. She clutched at her now stinging hand. “That was just mean,” she scolded. She gave the console a light tap, like telling off a child.

A low, drawn out groan sounded, the Doctor almost made the same noise.

“I know,” she sighed, her shoulders slumping. “I miss her too.”

_ The Doctor had been giving Yaz a flying lesson. Teaching her how to land the Tardis and getting her to jump to different dimensions. Yaz couldn’t remove her eyes from the alien as she almost sauntered around the console. Taking in her hands as she fiddled with all the dohickeys laid before her. She had really nice hands, Yaz thought. The hands she’d pictured running over her body several times, doing unspeakable things to her. _

_ She shook herself out of those thoughts, looking back to the Doctors face which was beaming with pure joy. She looked like a kid in a toy store, just ready to get going and play with everything she could. _

_ “So what does this one do again?” Yaz questioned, pointing to a dial in front of her. _

_ “That one?” the Doctor's eyes squinted, looking at the instrument her friend had pointed out. “Don’t actually know! Let’s find out!” _

_ She leaned across and flipped it causing the ship to suddenly judder. Yaz lost her balance from the unexpected jolt. Her heart stopped in her chest, fearing she would hit the hard floor. Instead, she landed in a pair of strong arms. _

_ “Whoa!” The time lord caught her just before she fell. Their bodies pressed tightly together, their faces mere inches apart. “Hey,” the timelord laughed, helping a very flustered looking Yaz back to her feet. “You alright there?” _

_ Her hands remained on top of her arms , trying to help stabilize her. _

_ Any words Yaz had died on her tongue. The feel of being unexpectedly pressed against the other woman enveloping her mind. _

_ “I, uhh, yeah.” she managed to stammer out. “Thanks,” she let out a breath she didn’t realise she was holding in. Her lungs burned and her heart hammered in her chest. _

_ “Are you sure you’re okay?” the older woman questioned, still holding on to Yaz, fearing she would fall again if she let go. _

_ Yaz hadn’t spoken much, still unable to form cohesive sentences. Her wide dark brown eyes flecked with gold from the shine of the crystals around them. She managed to force out a nod, shifting on her feet to regain some composure. _

_ “Sorry about that,” the blonde furrowed her brow, the little crease between them showing. Her hands slipped from Yaz’s shoulders. “She can be bit tetchy sometimes.” She shot a glare to the middle pillar, scorning the ship silently. A low wheeze sounded, a spurt of steam blowing up into the air. The Taris didn’t agree with that statement. _

_ “Do you want to carry on, you were doing so well.” The Doctor flipped a few switches, sending the Tardis back through the vortex they had been drifting in. _

_ “Really?” Yaz tilts her head, a smile tugging at the corners of her lips. _

_ “Yeah!” the Doctor nods her head zealously. “Not many people can fly the Tardis, but you did really well!” She stops, then looks to the other woman. “Well, I don’t really let anyone fly it.” _

_ Yaz feels her heart soar at the time lords words. She almost felt smug. She remembered all the times Ryan had gone to fiddle with something and having his hand slapped back by the Doctor. But when Yaz worked her away around the console, it’s almost like she’d been doing this for years. Like the Tardis was showing her what to do inside her mind. _

_ “She likes you,” the Doctor said, pulling Yaz from her thoughts. Yaz smiled at the sentient ship around her. _

_ “I like her too,” she couldn't help it when her eyes landed on the ships pilot. Her gaze met with warm hazel eyes and a sweet smile. _

_ “Right, wanna get back to it?” she asked with a wide smile. “Here,” she came to stand behind the younger woman. Lightly taking her hand and guiding it up to the console. She placed it over a dial, encouraging her to twist it ever so lightly. Yaz felt like she might fall down again.  _

Yaz pulled the scarf tightly around her neck, throwing on a warm knitted hat. She decided to go out and get some fresh air, the air in the flat becoming stifling. She’d managed to get a little bit of sleep but her dreams were plagued by the blonde. The feel of her pressed against her body shaking her from slumber. When she awoke, her heart pounded in her chest, threatening to burst from her ribs. Her dreams were becoming more and more tense. They almost felt real. She swore she could feel the Doctors warm hands around her, grabbing at her naked skin.

_ “You’re so beautiful, Yaz.” Her low words echoed around her mind. “ And you’re mine.” _

She began to walk, her knees buckling underneath her from the stiff cold breeze. She didn’t know where she was headed to, she just knew she needed to get away. 

The sun was already beginning to sink in the grey sky, the streetlamps flickering into life. She blew out hot air, watching it mist around her face into an icy cloud. Her head suddenly snapped round when she heard the faint sound of a distance thrum on the cold breeze. She looked around frantically, trying to decipher where it was coming from. The streets around her were dark and she’d begun to believe it was all in her mind. Convinced her lack of sleep was making her hear things. 

The air grew quiet once more, the only sound being the bitter breeze whistling in her ears. It was getting darker and darker by the minute. A nearby bench offered her some respite whilst she tried to collect her thoughts. She sat down, looking to the glimmering city below her. She let out a long and heavy breath, slumping into her seat. The thought of sleeping on a freezing cold bench seeming more desirable than going back home to face her family. She pulled her phone from her jacket pocket, finger hovering over the Doctor's name on the screen. 

“Pull yourself together Yaz, it’s only been five days.” she muttered to herself before tucking her phone back into her pocket. A loud crack echoed in the air as a firework shot into the sky. It burst into golden rays and fizzled out. She’d almost forgot it was still early days of the New Year, people still celebrated in the city. A few more whistled up into the night sky, bursting into colour. They were nothing like the cosmic fireworks the Doctor had shown them from the Tardis. Or the ones from the top of Sydney Harbour. 

_ Ryan and Graham stood just in front of them, Graham wanting to get closer to the edge for a better view. Yaz looked to the Doctor beside her who seemed to be completely entranced by the light display. She found it endearing that an alien who could travel through space and time in an old police box, was fascinated by a bit of gunpowder being fired from a cardboard tube. When the time lords eyes dropped from the sky to the younger woman beside her she realised she’d been staring again. Her neck snapped around quickly, looking to the sky before them that danced with colour.  _

_ Her heart skipped a beat when she felt a hand brush against her own. Warm fingers slipped into hers, taking her hand ever so lightly. Yaz didn’t say anything or turn around but she could feel the other woman's eyes on her. She finally chanced a look down to their now interlocking fingers.  _

_ “Sorry, is this okay?” the alien asked, a mere whisper.  _

_ “Yeah- yeah it's fine.” she smiled.  _

_ The hand around her own tightened, a thumb caressing her skin. The older woman moved in closer, her body now pressed to the other womans side.. Yaz felt a warm pair of lips land on her cheek, planting a soft and gentle kiss.  _

_ “Happy New Year, Yaz.”  _

Getting back to her feet, she made off down the hill before she actually fell asleep on the frosted bench. The fireworks that illuminated the sky had come to a stop, plummeting the area around her into darkness. It wasn’t this dark when she’d made her way up here. She didn’t even know how long she’d been up here. Her pace quickened, wanting to get into a better lit area. She was stopped dead in her tracks when she heard it again. The low wheezing as it ebbed in and out, she was sure she wasn’t hearing things this time. Her head scanned around trying to decipher where it was coming from. 

A form began to shift just up ahead of her and a few seconds later the blue box stood before her, the sign glowing like a beacon of hope in the dark.

“Oh my god,” she breathed out.

With a squeak, the door opened, the warm orange light spilling out onto the floor. She didn’t think she’d ever moved so quickly in her life. She slid through the open door, revelling in the warmth as it hit her cold skin. The Tardis hummed a greeting to her in her mind, closing the door behind her. Leaning over the console, the blonde looked up.

“Hey,” she smiled. “Welcome back.”


	3. I've Missed You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> buckle in lads, we're going down to smut town

“Sorry this is a bit out of the blue. I got the Tardis to follow your phone signal. I thought you’d be at home.”

“Oh,” Yaz shrugged off her hat and scarf, suddenly feeling very hot in the woman's presence. “No, I needed some fresh air.”

“Oh,” the Doctors eyebrows raised. “Everything okay?.”

She left the console, closing some of the distance between them, burying her hands into her pockets. Yaz looked down to notice her coat sleeves rolled up, exposing her toned forearms. Those arms she’d been longing to be held by. 

“Yeah, yeah. It’s fine. You know how it is. Family were getting annoying,” she let out a small laugh. Hoping it would cover up her blatant nervousness. She scanned the console room, finding it empty besides them.

“No Graham and Ryan?” she asked.

“No,” she shook her head. “Just you and me.”

It felt like her heart stopped dead in her chest.

“Aren’t we gonna go pick them up?”

“Well,” the Doctor began, bouncing on the balls of her feet. “I was actually hoping to spend some time with just you.”

The younger woman almost didn’t believe her ears. Was her mind playing tricks on her, was she hearing things she wanted to hear? She half believed she was still asleep, her wild dreams running away from her again.

“Oh, okay?” her eyebrows furrowed.

“How long had I been gone by the way?” she grimaces, waiting for the answer.

“Almost a week.”

“Thought so. Sorry, it was only a day or two for me. I think. You know how it is, time escapes me.”

“I know,” Yaz nods with a laugh.Finding it ironic that a lord of time could lose track of the very thing she could have control of. “I’m just glad you’re back.”

“Me too,” she offers the younger woman a small smile. Yaz swears she sees something in her eyes, something she hadn't seen before. The time lord seemed nervous. Her hands worried at her sides, grasping at the pale blue fabric of her coat. 

“Felt weird.” She says finally breaking the silence. “Not having you lot around. Beginning to regret sending you all away.” she laughs, her smile not quite reaching her eyes.“You spoke to Ryan or Graham by the way?”

“Nah, not really.” she shrugged. “I think Grahams been asleep the whole time or catching up on the soaps.”

The Doctor laughed, her tense shoulders slouching a little. 

“Come on, let’s go somewhere.” 

The police box landed upon the roof of the tall building.

“Come on, should be able to see the stars from here.” The time lord held the Tardis door open for her companion. Yaz stepped out, thankful for the cold air hitting her blazing hot cheeks. The Doctor looked up into the blue blanket sky that was littered with faint glowing constellations. 

Yaz figured out where they were when a familiar image flashed through her mind. It was the top of the building, where they’d been the night they met. The night that changed the young police officers life. 

The blonde placed herself down onto a transformer box, patting the empty space next to her. Yaz took up her offer, sitting down beside her, gasping a little at the cold metal underneath her. 

“What’re we doing up here then?” she asked with a smile.

“Just wanted to spend some time with ya,” The Doctor craned her neck to take in the sky before them. Yaz joined her, looking up to focus on the small twinkling lights. Although none of that was as beautiful as the woman sat beside her.

“Wanted to reminisce a bit as well and remember the night we first met.” 

How could Yaz forget. She remembered the dishevelled woman in a torn suit crashing into her life and stealing her away in her blue box that was bigger on the inside. She still remembered how she stood up to Tim Shaw, standing in front of her to keep her out of harm's way. The Doctor had always been protective of her. 

Another memory flashes before her, this time of the Tsurangan aircraft they’d been stranded on. How she shielded Yaz with her whole body from the all consuming Pting. She didn’t have to but Yaz wasn’t complaining when the Doctor pressed against her, shielding her from the small but fierce creature. 

“It’s cold,” Yaz breathed out, her lungs stinging from the frozen air. “Forgot how cold it could be on Earth.” She shivered, wrapping her arms around her middle trying to retain some warmth. The heat she felt before quickly being stolen by the bitter breeze. 

“Hmm,” The Doctor looked to her companion, a rosy hue now staining her cheeks and the tip of her nose. She shuffled over, bringing an arm up to wrap around the younger woman's shoulders.

“I don’t get that cold,” she said, her face scrunching. “Must be the two hearts.”

Yaz felt like her singular heart would burst from her chest any minute now, she dread to think what having two hearts would be like. The Doctor was really warm, like a cozy electric blanket had been draped over her. Her head was fuzzy, mainly from lack of sleep but also the feeling of a warm body pressed into her side. She breathed in the Doctors familiar smell. Earl grey tea and motor oil. An odd combination, but Yaz’s favourite nonetheless.

Her head began to feel heavier by the second, the Doctor was intoxicating. She let her weary head come to rest on the other woman's shoulder, her neck no longer being able to take the weight. She heard a sudden intake of breath when her nose lightly caressed the skin of the Doctors neck.

“Mm,” she sighed happily, her eyelids fluttering shut. 

This morning, she didn’t know when she’d next see the Doctor. Her days seeming endless and the empty feeling in her heart would never be filled again. But now here she was, atop a high building with a strong arm wrapped around her, pulling her close. She giggled as a few stray blonde strands of hair tickled her nose. 

She felt the older womans neck tense as she swallowed thickly.

“I really missed you, you know Yaz.” she said, merely a whisper.

The police officer had almost drifted off, lulled to sleep by the warmth that enveloped her, listening to the steady breathing beside her. She felt the arm around her grow tighter, fingers curling into the sleeve of her jacket.. The blonde looked down to her friend who now lifted her head from her shoulder.

Her heavy eyelids fluttered open.

“Really?” she asked, her voice gravelly with exhaustion.

“Mm,” she nods. “I know it was only a few days for me but it felt like so much longer.”

Yaz was almost tempted to pinch her skin between her nails to make sure she was actually awake.

“I secretly wanted to ask you stay with me on the Tardis but I knew that wouldn’t have been fair to Ryan and Graham.”

Yaz sat up, studying the alien as she spoke. Her arm fell from around her shoulder, coming to rest behind her. She felt a tentative hand playing with the material of the bottom of her jacket.

I can’t have you travel with me and not them. It just doesn’t seem fair.” She shook her head. “But,” her gaze fell onto Yaz. “I sometimes just want it to be just me and you.” Her brow furrowed “Is that selfish of me?” 

Yaz just shook her head, unable to speak. She still couldn’t believe all of this. The Doctor had never discussed her feelings like this before. Had she willed this into existence? Pining over the Doctor for a week and now she was seemingly hearing all the things she wanted to hear.

The Doctor looked down into her lap, swinging her legs unable to sit still. She could feel the woman beside her grow tense. She shifted away from her slightly, Yaz lamenting the loss of the Doctor pressed into her. 

“Sorry, have I said the wrong thing?”

“No!” Yaz intervened, springing into life and startling the alien. She didn’t want her to feel bad for her feelings. Something she’d felt far too much herself these days. “Sorry.” She lowered her voice. “Not at all. I’m just surprised all of this is coming out of ya to be honest.”

The Doctor’s frown pulled into a shy smile.

“Sorry, just felt a lot of things, being alone again in the Tardis. Forgot how lonely it could be.”

Yaz wanted nothing more than to close the gap between them, take the Doctors lips against her own. But she couldn’t find the courage, she didn’t want to have read this all wrong.

The image flashed across her mind. The image of her friends face after she had lightly kissed her on the lips. She thought it’s what she wanted but when her friend turned away and ran, her heart sank. A mere few minutes later the whole class hurled their insults towards her as she stepped into the classroom. The friend she had trusted sitting beside Izzy Flint, her head ducking down when Yaz made eye contact. She felt sick, dread filling her body. She felt like she was going to faint, she wanted nothing more than the ground to swallow her up. Her classmates jeers and laughter echoing through her mind. A sound she’ll never forget.

The dark haired woman swallowed hard, tasting the bile rising in her throat. Her whole body shaking and now not from the cold.

“Yaz?” the smooth voice accompanied by a hand on her back pulled her from her thoughts. She didn’t know how long she’d been sat there, her head spun frantically like a tumble dryer. “You alright?”

“Hmm?” Yaz snapped her head around to face her seeing the Doctor’s brows furrowed with worry.

“You alright? You’re shaking.” Her hand came to rest on her shoulder, trying to bring her back down from wherever she was. The police officer wanted to get up and run, she couldn't bear to look the other woman in the face. She went to get up, her knees buckling under her weight.

“Hey, Yaz.” The Doctor grabbed the younger woman's hand, trying to stop her from leaving. “What’s wrong?”

She knew something wasn't right. He friend looked worn down and tired. Deep worry etched into the lines on her face.She looked around frantically like she was trying to find the nearest exit to take. 

She’d only just about told her mum what had happened. How was she ever going to tell the Doctor. The woman that had invaded her every thought. The woman who she thought about every night before bed and every morning when she awoke. The woman who had shown her things, things she could never have dreamed of. She’d given her an opportunity of a lifetime. She didn’t want that all to be thrown away because of her feelings. She couldn’t live with herself if that happened. 

“It doesn’t matter,” she finally gathered her thoughts enough to get some words out. She shook her head, “Really, it’s fine.” Her voice wavered, a hard lump began to form in her throat. Her eyes looked at anywhere except the woman beside her, trying to focus on anything that wasn’t the Doctor.

“Hey,”

She felt a warm hand lightly ghost over her cheek, encouraging her to look her way.

“What’s happened, Yaz? You can trust me.”

She could trust her and she still didn’t know why. This woman was a complete stranger to her still. She wasn’t even a woman. Yaz thought she’d heard the Doctor mention a place called Gallifrey. She thinks that was her home, where she came from. But other than that, she was a complete mystery. A mystery that she so longed to solve but she knew she would never even scratch the surface. Aliens and monsters feared her very name. She was a force to be reckoned with and it scared Yaz but excited her deeply. She hardly knew her but she couldn’t help it when her heart raced whenever their gazes met. She watched as her hazel eyes danced from the city lights shining below them.

“I, she breathed out, her hot breath billowing around her face. She blinked away the oncoming tears.“I told my mum something today.” She shifted where she sat, feeling uncomfortable in her own skin “I told her what happened to me, when I was bullied at school. I’d never told her he real reason why.”

“Yaz,” she closed her hand around the younger womans. She let out a deep sigh, her thumb beginning to trace lightly over her companions skin. “You don’t have to tell me anything if it’s too hard. I’m just worried about ya.” 

Yaz had brought it up before, about her school bully Izzy Flint. The Doctor felt a sting of rage whenever she heard that name, knowing how she’d tormented Yaz. The Doctor hated bullies but this one in particular, she really didn’t like.. Yaz, the sweet, kind and caring young woman who always put others before herself. The girl who would risk life and limb to stand up for others who couldn’t stand up for themselves. The Doctor admired her courage and she was secretly thrilled when she agreed to travel with her. She was definitely the biggest player on her team, she knew she’d made the right choice in a friend and a companion. Maybe even something more. 

The Doctor looked down to their interlocking fingers, they fit so perfectly together.

“I want to tell you, I just don’t know how. I don’t want you to think any different of me.” She looked to the time lord, the faint glint of tears beginning to form in her eyes.

“Okay,” the Doctor nodded, pulling her hand away.

Yaz’s heart sunk into the pit of her stomach.

“Wait,” she said, suddenly very worried the past would repeat itself and she would be left alone once more. Tormented by admitting her feelings once again. 

“If you can’t tell me.” The Doctors features softened when she noticed Yaz’s concerned expression.. “Maybe you can show me?.”

“What- what do you mean?” she shook her head. 

“Do you trust me, Yaz?”

That question again, the answer would always be a yes, the younger woman thought. She nods her head, still not understanding what the Doctor was getting at but she trusted her. 

“Think about what you want to tell me, as clear as you can. You don't have to say anything out loud.”

Yaz began to do just that, no matter how much the memory stung her mind.

“Okay,” she nodded her head. “Now what?”

“Just relax and think about that memory. Try not to think about anything else. If there’s something you don’t want me to see, lock it away behind a door.”

Yaz’s brow furrowed, her head tilting. How would she be able to see what was in her mind? 

“Please, just trust me.” She said, almost sensing the younger woman's doubt. She lifted her hands splaying out her fingers. She waited for Yaz to answer, she gave her a trusting nod. Slowly she reached over, placing her hands on either side of Yaz’s temples. Her hands were warm and she could almost feel a vibration thrumming through her. 

“Oh my god.” Yaz’s eyes slammed shut, the Doctor doing the same. “You’re in my thoughts.” she gasped.

“Yeah,” the Doctor slightly smirked. “Sorry, didn’t mention before I could do this.”

It was like she was walking around her mind, a corridor before her lined with closed doors.She waited for Yaz to open one and to let her in. She tried to focus on the scene that played out in front of her.

She saw a younger Yaz in the playground at high school. How innocent she looked as her friend leaned over to kiss her. It was a short, chaste kiss but when they separated, the Doctor could feel Yaz’s heart quickening. It was exhilarating for her. Such a new but familiar feeling. Like something had clicked in her. The Doctor understood maybe all too well. The next scene flashed before her. Her classmates mocking her relentlessly, the ring leader being Izzy Flint. The Doctor felt a spike of anger rip through her, her top lip curling into an almost snarl. There was nothing she didn’t like more than bullies, especially ones that hurt her friends. 

The image began to fade from her, like it was being pulled back. She was about to let go, not wanting to linger for too long but she couldn’t help but notice the warm rush of feelings that seem to tingle her fingertips. A stark contrast from the fear and anger she had just felt. Her heart rate almost matching the other woman's quickening pace. Yaz allowed her to see more, opening her mind. Allowing her to see back to when they first met, that night in Sheffield. How amazed Yaz was by her. Her heart blossoming in her chest whenever she was around. Pale fingers twitched on dark skin, the Doctors eyes moving frantically behind her closed lids.

Everything was laid out before her. All the times their hands had brushed or when they’d stolen a glance when the other wasn’t looking. The Doctor could see it all, her dual hearts thumping at a deadly pace. Yaz would never be able to put any of this into words so she showed her instead. 

_ Yaz _

She spoke in her mind. The voice came through all her thoughts in a velvety echo. 

_ I didn’t know you felt this way. _

An image quickly flashed behind her eyelids. Yaz alone at night, her breath heavy as her hand moved vigorously beneath her bedsheets, the time lords name spilling from her lips as she came. The Doctor felt a rush of warmth straight to her core.

“Oh! You might want to lock that away,” she said out loud, a small smirk playing on her lips. Yaz let out a sharp breath, she hadn’t meant for that to slip out. She could feel the Doctor pull back, her presence drifting from her memories. 

Her skin was suddenly hit by a cold, stinging breeze as the Doctor removed her warm hands along with removing herself from her thoughts.

“It’s okay,” she whispered. “You might want to take a minute to adjust.” Her hand came to rest on her shoulder. 

Yaz rocked slightly where she sat, feeling a little light headed. Had that really just happened?

Finally she composed herself enough to open her eyes, they stung from the icy cold air. 

She dare not look to the Doctor, she had seen something so intimate and she wasn’t sure how to explain it.

“Uh,” she let out a breathy laugh. “Quite a skill to have!”

“Yeah, being a Time Lord has its perks. Picked up quite a bit in my day.” she said with a small wink. 

The police officers heart was still racing in her chest, she was sure the Doctor could hear it. She had just made a silent confession, maybe letting slip a little too much.

“Sorry, I didn’t think you’d see all of that.” her cheeks flushed a deep red, blood coursing hot through her veins.

“Thank you for letting me do that. I understand it can be quite invasive.”

“It’s okay,” she smiled. “It was a lot easier than putting it into words.”

“I’m glad, words can be a tricky thing sometimes. Not too good with them myself.”

**  
  
**

Yaz’s shoulders slackened, her muscles began to ache from holding in so much tension.

Another massive weight had been lifted from her but she didn’t know what the Doctor would do with this information. She wished she could see into the Doctors mind but she’s sure there’d be way too much for her to make sense of. 

“Come on,” the Doctor suddenly rose to her feet, offering her hand to her companion “Let’s get you back in the Tardis, you must be freezing.”

The Tardis heated to the perfect temperature to warm Yaz’s icy cold skin. She rubbed at her arms, trying to warm herself quicker. All of the hair on her body stood to attention from the bitterly cold air but her insides were flushing hotter than ever before. 

The Doctor did her regular dance around the console, flipping switches and pressing buttons. The ship whirred into action, sending them through a cascading vortex.

“How about we take a trip, just you and me?” she beamed.

“Really?”

“I was thinking somewhere nice and quiet though, ease you back into things.”

Yaz stepped up to the console, a deep thrum sounding in her mind. It was almost like the Tardis could speak to her. She sometimes heard it at night, telling her stories to help her sleep.

“She does like you, you know?” The Doctor looked to the console, then to Yaz. “She has a great judge of character.” Her eyes glimmered in the orange light.

“About before,” Yaz’s gaze didn't shift from the floor. “You can just forget about it if you want. I don’t want to make things awkward.”

“Why would they be awkward?” asked the alien, seeming oblivious.

Yaz looked to her, a little in disbelief. How could this not be awkward now she knew how she truly felt.

“Surely you don’t want-  _ that _ ?”

“Want what?” The Doctor walked by her, reaching over her to grab a dial. She didn’t fail to hear the skip in the younger woman's breathing.

“You know?” Yaz gestured wildly with her hands. She let out an exasperated sigh. “You know I like you, right?”

She was beginning to question if the alien had even seen all the things in her mind. Or she was just really rubbish at putting two and two together. It was most likely the latter. 

“Hmm, I think I might've seen something along those lines.” She continued messing with the ships console. A small pulse of electricity fired from it, catching the Doctors hand.

“Stop that!” she frowned at the crystal pillar, shaking her zapped hand.

The time lord placed her hands on her hips and tapped her boot against the floor. Like an angry mother scorning her misbehaving child.

“You’re doing that on purpose, aren’t ya?”

Yaz laughed, shaking her head. She still found it funny and odd the Doctor had a talking spaceship. A language she was beginning to understand herself. It’s almost like the vessel was telling it’s pilot to pay attention. The Doctor ceased her fiddling and drew her attention to Yaz who was still looking to the ground, not daring to look her way.

“Yaz?” she asked, almost a whisper. “I know you’re scared. I know that Izzy Flint turned everyone on you. But I won’t do that.”

She walked over to where Yaz had her back slumped against one of the crystalline pillars. Her legs not being able to carry the full weight of her body anymore.

“I won’t run from you and I certainly won’t hate you for what you showed me. I’m really honoured actually that you let me see all of that. It’s a big thing and I’m glad you don’t have to hide it anymore.”

“You don’t think I’m stupid?” she asked.

“Not at all,” she whispered shaking her head. “Please don’t ever feel stupid for what you feel, Yaz.”

**  
  
**

Yaz still didn’t quite know what all of this meant.

She’d never had the time for relationships. Most of her time being taken up by training for the police force. Her head always buried in law books. She didn’t really make any friends either, something Sonya always picked up on. Her younger sister still believed Ryan and the Doctor had been paid off to hang around with her. She had been out of high school for seven years now and only had a handful of friends in that time. Most of them abandoning her when she told them she couldn’t go to their parties. Her work was far more important and she spent most of her time going to parties to break up yet another drunken fight. 

There was that time in year 10, when she climbed through a boys window after school. But when he pushed her against his bedroom wall and kissed her, she felt a painful twist in her gut. It felt all wrong. She really hoped it wouldn’t. She wanted nothing more than to be like everyone else, scared to be anything different. She climbed back out through his window pretty hastily when things began to heat up. He had been really sloppy and careless, reaching for the hem of her school blouse. His hands were rough and unloving. Eager to take what he wanted. She excused herself and said she had to go home. The next day, his voice joined the many that shot insults to her as she walked through the school.

_ “Knew she was a lesbian,”  _ he scoffed, earning a laugh from the gang of boys around him.

Her mum and dad always said they could find her a nice guy to go out with. That a friend of theirs had a son she could date. She always insisted she was too busy for that, ushering them away when they showed her a picture of some boy she had no interest in whatsoever. Her nani always told her when she was little that one day she would grow up, have a husband and children but she never wanted any of that. She wanted to be in charge, in her job and her life. Since travelling with the Doctor she was learning to take that control back. She called the shots and she felt powerful whenever she was called upon for help. The Doctor trusted her.

She thought that love would never find her, that she’d always have something else she’d rather be doing. Travelling to different universes and seeing creatures that not even HP Lovecraft would have thought up, she reckoned she’d be safe. But when that clumsy motormouth blonde haired woman fell through the train and practically into her life, that all changed. She’d never been charmed by someone so quickly. Everything encaptured her, she wanted to know her much more than she did now. Mentally and physically. She craved to touch her, just feel her under her hands. She needed to know what it was like, to feel loved.

She knew the Doctor had sensed all of that when they connected telepathically. She was unable to keep her emotions from seeping through the cracks. The locked doors being busted open with little to no force. She couldn’t help it, the Doctor had that effect on her. She used to be able to keep her cool around her but now it was seldom impossible.

Yaz didn’t realise her body beginning to lean on its own accord. Her hand reaching out to steady herself against the console. This had been a really long and weird day, her body pleading her for some rest. 

“Whoa, Yaz. You alright?” The Doctor rushed to her side, offering her some support.

“Yeah, just really tired.”

“Come on, let’s get you to bed. You’ve probably been through a lot today.”

“What about us going somewhere?” she asked. 

“That can wait,” the Doctor smiled. “Come on.” 

Yaz was about to protest until she felt a strong arm wind around her waist, helping her to stand upright.

Luckily the Tardis put her bedroom right outside of the control room so she didn’t have to wander the corridors for hours.She couldn’t count the amount of times she’d accidentally ended up in a library or a swimming pool. Sometimes both of them together. 

She was concerned at the Doctors silence about it all. She hadn’t really mentioned anything about what she saw in her mind. Hadn’t given her two cents on the matter. Something she was usually very good at. She had witnessed it first hand, that woman could talk about anything for hours on end. She still remembers the great biscuit debacle that was had between her and Ryan.

The tired woman was happy to see her bed. Her room onboard the Tardis felt much more homely than the one back at the flat. She was surprised her mum hadn’t noticed she had been moving most of her stuff out of her bedroom and into here. The Doctor pointed her sonic to the ceiling of the room. The ceiling slipped away to reveal stars and nebulas that began swirling above their heads. Yaz loved this feature of the ship, it always helped her to sleep, dreaming of her and the Doctor lost amongst the constellations.

She slumped down onto the marshmallow soft bed, her bones singing at the much needed comfort. 

“Mind if I?” the time lord gestured to the space on the bed beside her. Yaz gave her a tired nod.

She shrugged her pale blue coat from her shoulders, tossing it across the bedspread. Yaz’s eyes landed upon the collarbones jutting out from beneath her shirt. Small freckles adorned her pale skin, Yaz thought they looked similar to the constellations swirling above their heads. But she was more beautiful than any galaxy she’d seen. 

Her fingers itched to touch her skin, to feel how soft she was. Being in such close proximity to her was becoming more and more unbearable. Finding a new thing about her every time she looked. Like how soft her hair seemed and how the muscles in her neck tensed whenever she spoke.

“You not been sleeping much?”

Her words broke her out of her daze, realising she had been staring again at the older woman who now sat next to her. 

“No,” she pried her eyes away, keeping them down on her lap. “Just been thinking about a lot of things.”

“Hmm,” the Doctor hummed. “I could see that.”

Yaz wondered just how much the Doctor had been able to see. What if the whole thing about locking memories behind a door was a lie. What i she had unrestricted access to all of her thoughts and memories? The Doctor had made it clear in the past she could get into wherever she wanted.

_ Dude, I’ve got all the authorisation I ever need. _

“I could give you something to help you sleep?” The Doctor offered. Yaz didn’t want sleeping medicine, she wanted to be wrapped up in her arms.

“I’m fine, thank you.”

She reached for the older womans hand, giving it a grateful squeeze. She couldn’t give it to herself to let go.

The Doctors thumb skirted over her hand , tracing a soothing pattern into her dark skin. Drawing out loving words in Gallifreyan, but Yaz would never know what it meant. 

The time lord flipped over the younger woman's hand. Her index finger lightly caressing the lines of her palm. She lifted it, bringing it to her face. Her warm lips parted, ghosting a breath over her hand. She pressed her parted lips every so gently to her palm. She left them there to linger for a while. Yaz almost groaned when her lips left her skin but they travelled further down . With more pressure this time, she lay a kiss on the skin of her wrist, feeling a hammering pulse underneath her mouth. 

Yaz watched in complete awe, her heart threatening to stop dead in her chest. The Doctor looked to her through heavy lidded eyes. A coil beginning to form in Yaz’s stomach, pulling tighter and tighter.

“Is this okay?” she whispered against her skin. Yaz managed a nod, she wasn’t even going to try to form words. Her mind now kicking into overdrive, questioning what this meant. Had it just been a friendly kiss, a sympathetic kiss? She didn’t know, but all she knew now was how badly she wanted those lips on her own. 

The alien laughed low in her throat, a smile grazing against Yaz’s hand. 

_ She was a goner _ .

Any chance she had at getting out of this had now all gone. When the Doctor looked at her like that, pressing another kiss to her hand, the tip of her tongue darting out to taste her skin.

It was all over for the police officer from Sheffield.

She lowered her hand away from her mouth still keeping it firmly in her own. Their gaze met, finally holding it long enough to gauge one another. Yaz had never seen that look before in the older woman's eyes. Unsure but almost, wanting? Her pupils were now blown out, drowning her hazel-brown irises. She imagined she looked the same. The time lord watched the younger woman's chest heave with deep breaths. Her heart pounding loud and clear in her sensitive ears.

The younger woman plucked up what little courage she had left. Closing the space between her and the alien. 

“Yaz,” she clasped a hand to her cheek, stopping her from moving in any closer. “Are you sure you want this? Are you sure you want me?”

“More than anything,” she bit at the inside of her mouth to distract her from the tears that were beginning to prick at her eyes. The Doctor wanted to argue, to tell Yaz she wasn’t what she thought she was. That she didn’t know what she was getting herself into. But all of those thoughts slipped away when their lips finally met in a soft and unsure kiss. Yaz was the first to pull back, not knowing if this was what the Doctor wanted. She half expected her to run away any second now. But when she looked up and saw the hungry look in the older woman's eyes, she was sure.

_ I want you. _

She heard those words ring in her mind, the Doctors fingers now splayed on her temples.

Yaz’s eyes fluttered shut, now it was her turn to step into another's memories. The time lord granted her access, holding the door open for her. She crossed the threshold, feeling another two thumping hearts join her own.

The Doctors breath came out in short, staggered puffs, hot against the other woman's face. She let Yaz roam, allowing her to see what she wanted to see. 

Yaz felt a fresh wave of heat spread through her, straight down between her legs. She didn’t think anyone would ever look at her that way. But there was the Doctor, stealing glances from her companion when she wasn’t looking. Electricity tingling through her every time they touched accidentally. The Doctors new body sensitive to all these new feelings, things she’d never felt before. She’d fallen for this human from Sheffield and she’d fallen fast. 

She yearned for the younger woman. She saw the day they were in Lahore, getting ready for Umbreens wedding. How the Doctors hearts fluttered when Yaz tucked the flower behind her ear. Yaz’s body pressed against hers when she caught her before she hit the floor. She longed to feel that again, possibly with less clothes. 

The Doctor removed her hand, the younger woman letting out a shaky breath. Her head felt fuzzy once more and her mind danced with excitement.

“Also forgot to mention I can let you see my memories too,” the alien laughed breathlessly, her eyes still closed. 

Yaz finally felt her eyelids lifting, looking to the woman before her. The colours from the galaxy above them cascading over the time lords beautiful face. She had all the answers she needed for now. Their lips reconnected once more, this time more sure and firm. Yaz inhaled deeply through her nose, trying to regain some oxygen back. The Doctor pulled back once more, before resting her hands either side of Yaz’s neck, her thumbs stroking her blazing cheeks. She brought her back in again, this time the kiss much more urgent. A thumb skirted over her skin and to her mouth. pulling at the dark haired woman's bottom lip, pleading for access. She granted it willingly, allowing her mouth to fall open. 

“Mmpph” she groaned at the feeling of a soft, skillful tongue working over her own before running across the inside of her top lip. Yaz’s trembling hands found purchase in the Doctor's T shirt, fisting into the material to pull her impossibly closer.

Pale fingers raked through dark hair, coming to rest on the back of her head in an attempt to pull her deeper into her mouth. Her tongue still drawing out moans as it claimed every inch of her. 

“God, I missed you so much.” Yaz said between hot and heavy kisses.

“Me too,” the time lord groaned. “Mmph, so much.”

Grabbing her suspenders, she shucked them off of the Doctors shoulders. She was wearing far too many clothes for her liking. The blonde repaid the favour by slipping the leather jacket from Yaz’s shoulders. Revealing a short sleeved shirt underneath. The Doctor grabbed at the flesh there, feeling taut muscles flexing under her hands.

“Hmm, someone works out,” she smirked.

“You should know, you’re the one who’s got me running from monsters every day of the week,” she bit back, a smirk tugging at her lips.

The Doctor’s swollen bottom lip caught between her teeth and Yaz thought she would come there and then at the sight. She liked this side to the Doctor. She never pictured a bright, bubbling person with such childlike wonder to be looking at her like this. Her eyes raked over her, her cheeks now burning with a red hue, her hair disheveled from where Yaz had had her hands in it. 

Yaz got to her feet, feeling a little unsteady on wobbling legs. Her hands fumbled at her jeans button.

“Let me,” The Doctor stood, taking her hand and moving it away. With long, deft fingers she quickly popped the button open with no effort at all. Sliding the zipper down, her pace now slowing to an almost stop. Doing so whilst keeping her eyes on the other woman, her mouth agape letting out ragged breaths. Yaz groaned internally, wanting nothing more for them both to be naked and to feel every inch of her against her skin. But the Doctor was going to take her time, she wanted Yaz to be begging by the end of it. 

She sunk to her knees, pulling the tight denim from around her hips, peeling them down her toned legs. She wanted to mark every bit of skin she came across, claim it as her own. But this was her first time in this new body and the first time for Yaz too. She didn’t want to scare her away. But she wanted to make sure she didn’t forget this. 

Yaz felt warm lips on her lower legs, teeth lightly grazing her skin. Her whole body responding to the Doctors skilled hands and mouth. It felt like electricity was coursing through her, threatening to set her alight. She’d never pictured this was where her day would end up.

A pale hand ran up the inside of her thigh, splayed fingers outstretched, brushing over her underwear ever so lightly.She pressed a searing kiss to the inside of her thigh, her hands coming round to gently squeeze at her behind. Yaz’s fingers toyed in the blonde’s hair, revelling at how soft and sleek it felt, just like she always thought it would. 

Yaz was so lost in the feeling she hadn’t noticed the Doctor was now standing in front of her, her hands tugging at the hem of her shirt.

“Can I?” she asked, her tone low and gravelly.

Yaz just gave her a silent but vigorous nod, earning a smirk from the alien. She lifted the material over her head, eyeing up her black lacy bra.

“This is cute,” she grinned, her index finger played with the lace adorning the rim of the cup. “These are still very new to me so mine isn’t this cute.” Her face scrunched.

Yaz didn’t care about what bra the Doctor had on, only that she was out of it as soon as possible. Noticing the Doctor was still very much dressed. She asked her the same, reaching for her rainbow shirt.

The Doctor offered no resistance and Yaz drew it over her head. Noticing her chest flushed a deep red to match the hue of her cheeks. She reached up, her fingers tracing over a collarbone.

_ Those damn collarbones _ .

She ducked her head, taking the bone into her mouth and giving it a firm bite before soothing the stinging flesh with her tongue. Her lips travelled further up to plant kisses on the junction between her neck and shoulder. She felt heady wrapped up in her scent as she breathed her in Her skin so soft against her mouth and it almost had a sweet tang to it. She braved it, sucking a deep, dark purple bruise into her pale skin. Revelling at the quiet moan the time lord let out when she nipped at her.

“Mmf,” the older woman bit the inside of her cheek to stop herself from being too loud. She was scared of shattering the quiet air between them. A hand came to rest on the back of Yaz’s head, fingers curling into her scalp, spurring her on. 

She definitely had never been this sensitive before. Yaz’s fingers left a blazing trail in their wake. Her hands grasping at her lithe hips, her nails digging into the pale skin there. Even exploring her own body didn’t feel this good. Whenever she got the time she would touch herself in different places, testing the waters. It felt very very different to what she’d had before. She really liked it and she hoped she could make Yaz feel this good.

Happy with the works of art she’d created on the Doctors neck, their lips met once more in a fiery kiss. The time lord pulled the human to her, their bare hot skin meeting and burning against one another. The only sound filling the air was their desperate kisses and their staggered breathing. The low hum on the Tardis slipping away second by second. Yaz was so wrapped up in the woman before her, wanting to be consumed entirely.

Pushing her back lightly, Yaz felt the bed hit the back of her knees. She lost her balance, toppling back. A strong arm came underneath her before she fell, lowering her gently onto the mattress. Pulling back up, the Doctor undid her trousers and threw them to the side. Yaz stifling a laugh when the woman in front of her almost tumbled back as she struggled to pull off her striped socks.

Composing herself, she straddled the younger woman's thighs, revelling in their skin touching.

Yaz hadn’t been sure if this was even her thing but seeing the Doctor on top of her almost naked body, her eyes filled with desire, she knew for sure this is what she wanted. The Doctor tucked an awry strand of hair behind her ear, her earring sparkling in the light from the stars above them. 

“You’re so beautiful,” Yaz breathed out, her hands raking up and down the thighs straddling her hips. A wide smile appeared on the time lords lips.

“No one’s ever called me that before.” she blushed, her nose scrunching. 

“Well get used to it.” Yaz said smirking, her head cocked to the side. 

The Doctor took in the sight below her, only realising now that Yaz’s hair had fallen from the ponytail she had it in. It fanned out on the pillow beneath her like a shining halo surrounding her angelic face. Her chest rose and fell rapidly, her stomach muscles tightening with every staggered breath.. She praised the gods she had a photographic memory. This was a sight she never wanted to forget.

She lowered down to capture her lips in another searing kiss. Yaz swore she felt the Doctor grinding on her, her hips moving ever so slowly, trying to find purchase on something. She felt a hand grabbing at the hem of her bra, pulling it down slightly. Her sensitive nipple standing to attention when it hit the hot air around them. Gently,the Doctor cupped a breast in her hand, her thumb skirting over her hardening nipple. 

“Mm,” she groaned against her lips, a wave of pleasure crashing through her. She’d never been touched like this and she wanted so much more. Her free hand snaked into Yaz’s palm, fingers interlocking tightly. 

The boy she has kissed in high school was nothing like this. He wanted a quick fumble, to grab whatever he could and go. But the Doctor was cherishing every inch of skin available to her. Attentive to how the younger woman's body was reacting. She was so gentle but Yaz knew she could change that in an instance and it made the fire burn hotter in her stomach. Those clever hands working her into an absolute frenzy.

She felt teeth graze against her lips as the Doctor smirked. She ran her thumb over her nipple once more, eliciting another groan. Reaching around, she undid the clasp of her bra in one swift motion. Yaz assisted her, pulling the straps haphazardly down her arms and chucking it to the floor to join their other abandoned clothes. 

The blonde pulled her own bra over her head. Yaz didn’t have much time to take her in before she felt lips on her neck, biting down ever so slightly at her pulse point. The woman underneath her wriggled and writhed, her hips canting up. The Doctor knew she was getting frustrated and she was loving every minute of it. Hot lips trailed down her neck and across her chest, stopping to suck a dark bruise against her collarbone to match her own. 

Finally, warm lips enclosed around her nipple, her tongue darting out to circle it.

“Oh,” her back arched, trying to inch her way more into her talented mouth. “Oh, my god.”

Her fingers twisted into blonde locks, pulling hard. The Doctor sucked ever so slightly, causing a curse to fall from the younger woman's lips.

“Shit,” she growled, her top lip curling upwards into a snarl.

“Watch that pretty mouth of yours, Khan,” she spoke low against her breast , her hot breath ghosting over her goosebump covered skin.

The Doctor talking dirty to her was now her new favourite thing ever, she thought. A firm bite to her stiffened bud caused her to cry out. The fingers in blonde hair curling into a death grip, nails digging into her scalp.

Once she was done sucking and biting a few clusters of bruises here and there onto dark skin, she moved downwards. Her tongue mapping out all of her tense muscles of the stomach beneath her. Yaz wanted nothing more than the time lord between her legs but she was revelling in all of these new sensations coming to her. Everyone had always said their first time was a horrible experience but this was the complete opposite. Yaz had never felt more alive.

The Doctor sat up after leaving kisses on her hip bones, fingers skirting under the elastic of her underwear. She could feel the heat coming from between the younger womans legs. Yaz looked to the blonde, answering her unspoken question. She got up off of her, taking her underwear with her, dragging it down her smooth legs. Yaz’s thighs squeezed together automatically, suddenly feeling vulnerable. She tensed.

“It’s okay,” the Doctor cooed. “You don’t have to hide yourself.”

The blonde reached for her own underwear (they were rainbow too) pulling them down and flinging them off. They were now both completely bare. Yaz finally had the chance to take her all in. She was much slimmer than she imagined, but she was toned and obviously kept in shape. “You don’t have to be afraid.”

She clambered back onto the bed, placing a hand atop Yaz’s knee. Her legs beginning to ease up, falling open as the hand travelled down further. Caressing her thighs until they fell open, completely baring herself to the time lord. She watched as hazel orbs raked over her, a tongue darting across the blondes bottom lip. 

“If you don’t want this, you can tell me to stop.” she breathed out. 

“Please don’t,” Yaz shook her head, almost upset at the thought of it stopping here. 

The Doctor settled between her open legs, lips coming back down to kiss over her stomach and ribs. Her tongue sliding out to lick across her hip bones, following up with a quick nip. She came up to lean over the younger woman, her hand stilled on her upper thigh. 

“Please tell me to stop if it’s too much.” The Doctor almost begged. 

The younger woman nodded slowly, telling her in her mind this is all she wanted. The Doctor nodded back, almost like she could hear Yaz’s silent pleas. 

“Okay,” she whispered. 

The han moved in, an index finger ran through the slick folds, causing the other woman to inhale sharply. Her fingers parted her open, revelling in how wet she was. She heard an almost silent  _ oh my god _ from the top of the bed. Yaz’s eyes slammed shut, missing the Doctors smug grin. 

With her hand still pressed between Yaz’s legs, she rejoined her at the top of the bed, her head coming to rest beside the other womans. Yaz ran a tentative and curious hand down the time lord's side. Her thumb running over the planes of her muscles, feeling them flex beneath her fingertips. Her skin was impossibly soft. Her head spun like a killer carousel, still revelling in the feel of the Doctors hand on her. 

The passionate kissing had slowed to a more tender pace although the fire was still burning hot between them. The Doctor could kiss her forever but let up when she remembered the human had a set of lungs, not a respiratory bypass like herself. Yaz ran her fingers down the Doctors toned back..She was so strong yet she was being so gentle with her like she was a porcelain doll. Yaz looked up to the Doctor through heavy lidded eyes. 

The hand between her legs pressed hard, two stiff fingers pressing against her clit. They both inhaled sharply in unison at the long awaited contact. Her eyes flying open to see the woman above her watching her every move. The time lord smiled sweetly even though her fingers were now running through her wet folds, doing unspeakable things to her. Her finger circled her stiffening clit, revelling in the deep groan that came from low in Yaz’s throat. Her arm flexed as she added more pressure, Yaz absolutely delighted at seeing her muscles rippling in her forearm and her veins bulging.

Yaz’s eyebrows pinched together, her bottom lip caught between her teeth. The time lord didn’t think she’d ever seen anything so beautiful. 

The Doctor buried her head in the crook of the humans shoulder, breathing in sweet perfume along with her coconut shampoo. She could feel her pulse quicken beneath her mouth where she bit down ever so slightly. Yaz’s hips danced in rhythm with the Doctors skilled hand, adding even more pressure to her core.

“Mmph, that feels so good Doctor,” she groaned hotly, not even caring if she sounded desperate or needy. 

The blonde moaned in response, picking up the pace.

Taking a shaking hand, Yaz reached between the Doctors legs, wanting to feel her.

The Doctor eased up suddenly when she felt slender fingers run through her own slick flesh. Yaz heard a sharp inhale in her ear, but she heard no resistance.

She had no idea what she was doing, she’d always imagined what it would be like with a woman but the thoughts never quite match up to the real experience. She was so wet, her clit stiffened under he touch. The hand between her legs stilled as Yaz explored the Doctor.

The Doctor closed her eyes, her jaw slack as she revelled in this completely new sensation. If Yaz didn’t know what she was doing, she sure wasn’t showing it. She touched her like she’d known her for years. Her fingers applying pressure to her sensitive bud, rubbing in a steady up and down motion.

“Oh my god, Yaz.” she whispered into her ear. Hearing her name dripping off of the Doctors tongue like that sent another wave of wetness to her core. The Doctor picked up her rhythm again, a rogue finger sliding further down.

It stilled at her entrance, waiting for a response. 

“Please.” She mewled. 

It slipped further down and inside of her, eliciting a sharp gasp from the younger woman.

“I’ll take it slow,” The Doctor almost purred. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

Yaz’s stomach clenched at her words. The time lord who could make aliens and monsters alike, shudder from her name alone was being so soft and gentle with her. Yaz didn’t know if she would last much longer. 

It felt like it was just her and the Doctor in the whole of time and space. She watched as the stars danced above her in the sky. The galaxies and constellations shifting slowly, lulling her into an almost intoxicated state as the Doctor panted in her ear. She’d almost forgotten her own hand between the Doctors legs. She focused, trying to draw out pleasure from the other woman as well as feeling the Doctors fingers move at a more steady pace. She did the same, trying to mirror what the older woman was doing. They rocked together in unison, the old bed frame creaking slightly under their movements.

The younger woman was getting increasingly wetter, the Doctor added another finger inside of her, it slid in with no resistance, her thigh pressing against her to add even more pressure. 

“Oh my god,” Yaz groaned, slightly louder than she expected. She bit down on the other woman's shoulder stop her from being too loud. She felt the Doctor laugh against her, her fingers now pumping in and out of her at a more substantial pace. She desperately tried to compose herself to do the same to the Doctor.

“Mmm, Yaz!” she groaned into her ear when she added another finger into the blondes wet core.

They both sped up, now at a relentless pace.

“Fuck, you feel so good Yaz.” she growled, feeling the younger woman tighten around her fingers.

She’d never heard the alien swear before, it was amazing she could get her to say such dirty things.

Yaz let out a breathy laugh.

“So do you Doctor,  _ so good _ .”

It was nothing like she imagined, feeling her muscles clenching around her fingers, hearing the slick sounds as she pumped in and out of her. The Doctors fingers were now buried inside of her to the knuckle. She curved her fingers upwards, stroking her most sensitive areas. She certainly knew what she was doing but the time lord had never felt this intimate with anyone before. There was something different about using her hands to pleasure a woman and having hands pleasure her in return.

“Oh my god, I’m gonna-” Yaz gasped as the Doctor set a punishing pace, her thumb circling her clit.

“Mm, me too,” the Doctor breathed, her forehead resting against the other womans. Both of them feeling their release getting closer and closer. Sweat clung to their hot skin, breathing in one another, sharing the same air. 

Yaz came with a loud moan, her head falling against the pillow, her back arching from the bed. The Doctor came a mere few seconds after, suddenly falling silent, her mouth agape, her eyebrows pinched together. Her pale hand fisted into the bed sheet, knuckles glowing white. The Doctor drew out every moan she could from the woman underneath her. The look of her in pure bliss etched into her memory forever. Yaz grabbed at the Doctor urgently, she wanted nothing more for her to carry on but her whole body shook and she couldnt take anymore. The fingers inside of her eased up, slowly pumping away whilst she came down from her orgasm. Yaz couldn’t keep her hand moving when she felt her climax peaking, too distracted by the orgasm ripping through her. But seeing her come undone beneath her was all the Doctor needed to find her own release. 

They lay there, trying to catch their breath, still revelling in the aftermath of what had just happened. The stars exploding behind Yaz’s eyes were nothing like the ones above her bed. 

**  
  
  
**

**Author's Note:**

> Okay but I'm hella convinced that Yaz's secret will be that she's queer and/or in love with the doctor  
> but who knows, I just can't wait for series 12 it looks so good  
> Also Yaz is slightly older in this fic, probably more about 23-24


End file.
